Oh, Korea

Telling people that I live abroad usually results in some comment that includes, “Oh, I am so jealous!”  The ability to travel to another country, to experience and ingest a different culture in its entirety, to live in a mysterious world where everyday arrives with some sense of wonderment cultivates that jealousy.

What is often overlooked, however, is the fact that living life in another country comes with the same responsibilities and pitfalls of living in your own country.   That the banality of life still exists and can still be incredibly annoying.

Case in point: my weekend started on Friday night with a few drinks and home by a decent hour, snuggled in bed, only to be woken at 3.30am by yet another drunk Korean man at my door insisting that he lived here although the alarm going off on my keypad should have alerted him otherwise.  Thirty minutes of arguing and telling him to go home while he continued to code in wrong numbers, ring the doorbell from hell, and POUND on my door resulted in only a cheerful, “Hey buddy, this isn’t your room” punishment from security.

After only a few hours of sleep, it was up bright and early to trek across Seoul to meet with a group to go to an orphanage two hours outside of the city.  Yet, our ‘organizers’ were no where in site and thus began only the first of many complaints about the organization running this volunteer opportunity.  The complete and utter incompetence of the woman set to get us to and from the organization started with us missing our bus and me being called “Larry” all day due to her mistranslation of my name into Korean script.  Many other instances, of which I will spare you, left me and everyone else wanting to smack the obnoxious smile straight off her face.

After a long day where success was only found in the smiles of the many orphans we played with, I was completely exhausted and dreaming of my bed.  Unfortunately, I returned home to find my door’s keypad completely unresponsive as a result of zero battery power no doubt due to the jackass who couldn’t leave it alone the night before.  My key, a mere 15 feet away and tucked nicely in a drawer in my apartment, did me no good as did the building security guard who just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and said he could do nothing for me.  So, at midnight I called my very generous girls who were still out partying in Seoul and asked if I could crash at their place in hopes they would rage all night so I could sleep.

I woke, crossing my fingers to find my building management open, to be denied once again and had to call Kelly on the weekend and ask her to call me a locksmith.  It is now 3pm, I am 65,000 Won lighter, but I am once again in my apartment…my apartment that I don’t really like in the first place, yet have never wanted to be in so badly before.

So you see kids, living abroad isn’t all magical and glorious.  Life can be just as annoying here as anywhere although I am pretty sure this weekend in Korea was worse off for me than you lovelies getting to enjoy the snow, the beauty, the good news of Kiki’s acceptance to DU (what! what!), another Bronco victory (!!) and each other.

Be assured, today the jealousy is all mine.

 

Dear Mom- Today I lost it…

What follows is an email I wrote to my mother in a fury of anger after I let some stupid 4th grade kids upset me:

Oh, Mother.  How I wish you were still awake for me to call you.  I just had one of those explosive moments in class where Teacher Lost Her Head.  I honestly don’t think I have ever been so angry over something so menial.  I hate my Friday classes in the first place, and secondly, Liz and I switched batches of students and I hate her students more than I hated my own.  But, as I go in to teach this class there are two boys known for being notoriously bad.  I had one before and black listed him from our program because I couldn’t keep him under wraps.  Turns out he is a little bit special, or 2% short as Koreans call it, and needs medications for his serious case of ADHD/Devil Spawniness which I think he skipped today.

So, he starts off copying everything I say in a loud, squealing voice.  That has got to be the most annoying thing in all the world- the incessantly LOUD copycat.  Soon after, he started taking all the trash out of his desk and dumping it on the floor.  I don’t know where all these candy wrappers and minuscule pieces of paper come from but he then proceeds to stand up, tilt his desk forward and shake out every flake of dust left in it on my floor.

This point, all the other damn kids are laughing and egging him on so he picks some of the paper up and throws it in the air to fall like snow over the kid sitting next to him.  This whole time I am trying to start the lesson as my Korean colleague is 10 minutes late without giving me any notice, so I have 40 rowdy kids to myself on a Friday morning just before lunch.  For those first 10 minutes I was attempting to start our lesson but couldn’t get them to shut the hell up or do anything I say and as my blood boils at an exponentially fast rate I feel this surge of pure annoyance, no anger, come up from my belly to my chest, through my throat and out my mouth as I yell louder than I have ever before “ALL OF YOU! BE QUIET!”

Stunned faces stare at me silenced, while the 2% kid is rolling around on the floor picking up more paper for his one man confetti show.   I go to grab him by the elbow, the Buckner grab as Principal Buckner was notorious for, and literally wheel him to the door and throw him in the hall as all the kids roll out “Ooooooh Lori Teacher!”  Like they didn’t know “angry” was an emotion I was capable of.  I then whip out my phone to call my Korean colleague who is by this time 15 minutes late and walk down the hall to grab my other Korean colleague, Kelly.  No answer on the phone so I plead for Kelly to come with me and walk into the classroom behind her pointing at the bad kids like the little tattletale I am.

Soon after the original teacher comes in and gets the lesson back on track, the bad kid has been sentenced to picking up all the mess he’s made, and Lori Teacher is fummmmmmming with arms crossed avoiding the gaze of the students watching to see if my head is going to explode.

Class couldn’t finish quickly enough and when it did I headed to lunch with Kelly and Liz.  I got my tray of nastiness and as I sat down to eat I slammed my knee against the table and a jolt of pain caused those things called tears to well up behind my eyes.  At the same time the entire 4th, 5th, and 6th grade classes started filing through saying hello, waving and staring at us as we ate and it was then I realized I was going to lose it.  I couldn’t stand the sight of the food or the kids so without taking a bite I excused myself, dumped my entire tray of food, and hid out in my office which is where I sit now emailing you.

Not only am I still shaking I am so mad but I seriously think I pulled a larynx or popped a vessel.  Kelly knew I was angry and just brought me a mini-cheese cake so I am probably going to just stuff my face with that and pop in a movie for my afternoon classes so I don’t have to talk to any Korean children who I often think are the cutest things in the world but today believe they have been put here to kill me.

I do hope your day goes better than mine.  I love you.  Miss you.  Tell Dad the same.

 

Antz

Since I’ve moved to my new place I’ve had some roomies come and go.  They pop in unexpectedly and when I am certainly not prepared to deal with them.

So far, I’ve caught these little buggers on my window sill, on my ceiling, near my sink, in my food cupboards, in my dish cupboards, under my tv, and this morning, climbing around my nightstand and glass of water.

I have done various things to rid of them, but my little buddy here has helped the most by writing them a vicious postcard as seen below:

 

Quick recap

I am not keen on the idea (ie: I am being lazy)  of recapping the whole Chris/Kris experience in Korea (awesome) or the roaming around Tokyo (awesomer) or my visit home to see all my lovelies (awesomest), so I’m just going to post some of the highlights.  (Most of you who really care to know, already do know, and the rest, well, you won’t have to sit through someone else’s vacation photos= win, win!)

Showing off Korea

Monsoon season, Korean food, and climbing up a gazillion stairs to see a pig head on an altar.  Korean Style.

***

TOKYO

In front of a palace

In front of Mt. Fuji, or lack thereof since it was MIA this day.

In front of, and making fun of, fat Asian baby.

***

Home Sweet Colorado

Jumping with my girls

Happy to see favorite uncles and aunts!

And, doing it up Browning style!

 

Return to Sender

I am back in Korea, but so not ready to be here.

All is good.  Just doing summer camp.

Check back soon.

 

Korean dogs

Walking around town here in Bucheon you don’t see many dogs -people are usually eating them not walking them…

(^^*) <— Smiley=Jokey

But, I really don’t see many and the ones I do see are usually of the smaller breed.  And, most times, with hair of some florescent color of an unnatural pigment.

I first thought this was a cruel punishment to the dog, and to be honest, I am not sure that my feelings have changed.  But with so many dogs walking around with bright pink, blue, green hair in pony tails, perms, and other interesting arrangements I figured this must be common practice.  Then I came across EatYourKimchi folks’ blog.

You must see what they did to their dog.  It is too funny:

 

Caught: Getting it on

It’s not common that you hear of break-ins at local elementary schools.  But, last night, my school’s boundaries were breached.

Late night sensors went off alerting our resident security guard of a disturbance in the English Mega Town.  As he went up to check it out, he found the intruders: two half clothed university students getting busy on the couch on which I often sit and read, “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

Authorities question why the couple didn’t spring for one of the many love motels that charge by the hour or the DVD bang the provides background cinematic entertainment.

The lovas were released after a brief sex-ed advisory.

 

Never shake a baby, but feel free to hit a child

It’s not uncommon to see teachers smack their students here in SoKo.   They will hit them with an open hand, a white board eraser, or a bamboo stick (all that I’ve witnessed anyway) with no repercussions.

Today, I could have done all these things.  To ever single breathing student in that school.

Never have I ever been so annoyed by so many of them at one time.  But, no worries.  I didn’t do any of the above.

Little bastards.

 

Trying

Trying so hard to write something interesting for you but clearly failing miserably.

The 방 were fun though, right?

Yeah, they weren’t, I know.

How about some random deep thoughts about Korea?

-Koreans are incredibly nice people. My colleague, Helen, regularly calls Anna and I to make sure we are ‘happy’ in Bucheon and that we are ‘making friends.’

-I’ve found the secret to the Korean figure. They don’t eat sweets. Their deserts and pastries are all stuffed with red beans, not chocolate as I thought. One bite of that is plenty.

-I am currently torn about my feelings of public transportation. It is super cheap and goes everywhere, but takes forever and is often over crowded. Currently, I am missing my car.

-Pizza Hut is in Korea, but is totally Korean style pizza. This includes slapping some corn and potatoes on just about every type of pizza along with choices of seafood and/or kimchi toppings.

-Koreans don’t want to be tan for that signifies lower-class farmer types. Therefore, whitening cream is everywhere. Anytime I buy nail polish or mascara I get a free sample of face whitener.

-Koreans are not blonde, nor do many of them want to be. When a waygook like me goes to get her hair highlighted, like I did a couple days ago, it turns out YELLOW with a hint of orange and not at all blended.

-Shopping in Korea is ubiquitous and super cheap. If I could fit into the clothing and shoes that I see at every turn when I leave my house then I would be broke but with an incredibly fun closet.

Ok- great. This should suffice you until Super Bowl Sunday is over and you are all bored at work again on Monday :)

 

What? It’s 2009?

In a time warp.  I am not sure where the past 2 weeks went or how I have survived 3 days back at work.

Well, barely survived.

Time is going lightening fast and excrutiatingly slow at the same time and my mind is in a meld as my brain is out of commission.

So, this is all you get.  Wish I had pics to show you from my time in the Philippines or my ski trip in Japan but, unfortunately those plans never unfolded as I hoped and I sat in Korea during my time off.

Until then…